Bonus- Irene

In this heartfelt interview, Irene shares her inspiring journey of grief, community, and celebrating life after losing her father, Gregory. Her story highlights the power of joy, humor, and community in healing from loss.https://www.instagram.com/gothealth_vaksberg?igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ%3D%3D&utm_source=qr

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:35

Hey everyone, welcome back to Grief and Gratitude. It's Mandy. I'm here with my co-host Crystal.

SPEAKER_02 0:43

Hi everyone. We are excited to invite our guest Irene. She is an inspirational and motivational speaker. She is someone who works to keep people going. She encourages people not to give up. And she's here to share with us her story of her father. Irene, thank you so much for being here.

SPEAKER_00 1:05

Thank you so thank you so much for having me. I'm so honored finally to be here with both of you.

SPEAKER_02 1:11

Yes. Yeah. So please um get started. Tell us a little bit about your father and and help us understand your father to you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:24

Absolutely. Thank you. Thank you so much. He's one special man that I miss dearly every single day. And you know, I have to go back to the journey of coming to America in 1979 when we left former Soviet Union. That's where I was born and the journey of my relationship with my father began. I remember um go, oh sorry. I just began and I'm ready, ready to cry because he was such an amazing man. And um getting ready to talk about him on this platform brought a lot of memories. You know, remembering him taking me to a soccer game, we called football, and sitting next to him and watching this game. They had no clue what was happening, except this ball is being pushed from one side to another. And just like spending uh quality of time and remembering going for ice cream. And we have this like uh root beer drink, but it's like it's it's it's bringing me such beautiful memories. It's in this big, huge container that it stands in the middle of the street, and it's like a community cup. I know it sounds disgusting, but that's how it was. It's literally a community cup. You kind of rinse it in this water and you go and it's like five cents and you drink. And that's like my earliest memory doing things with him. He was always full of joy and happiness and lifts our spirit. And you know, when you're small, you don't understand what you who your father is until you, you know, get older and see the power that he had and the humanity he had. You know, growing up in Russia was not easy and times were tough, but we always had always had everything that we needed. He was an amazing provider, uh, a role model. Um, and I understood that blessing that he gave me a little later in life. So, you know, 1979, we're starting to immigrate to America. And um again, a young child does not understand who your father is until you do. And I remember we were standing in um Poland, and there's a train and a lot of stuff going on, and you know, you have like five minutes to get on, and otherwise you're stuck again for three days. And I hear my father's name being called from every direction, grabbing us, grabbing the suitcase, and they're all screaming, Come Gregory, come Gregory. I I remember when you did this thing for me, and I remember when you did this thing for me. We're so grateful to you. We're going to help you get your family on this train. And um, so you know, it was very touchy. Didn't understand, but I felt very safe in a very chaotic atmosphere. Uh, and then coming to America um 1979, it um was all about community, it's all about helping. Like he had two new three English words, none of us spoke English. And he created a community everywhere we went um and supported people that he didn't know, and he installed in us that community is everything. And if you have a dollar and somebody doesn't, you give them 50 cents or whatever. If you have one slice of bread, you cut it in half and you give it. And he didn't just talk, he did the walk, he showed us like our home was heaven for others, the community was everything, and he installed that in us. And um, there was one beautiful moment where I was going to a uh pharmacy with my granddaughter, and we walked in, and um the owners heard me speak, so they thought it was my mother, and they're running out like literally like crazy people, like who's going to be first, pushing each other aside, going, Are you Gregory's daughter? Are you Gregory's daughter? I'm like, Well, I don't know. Is it a good thing? Is it a bad thing? You know, you never know. And she's like, you don't understand what your father and your mother did for us. We came to this country, we did have relatives that spoke beautiful English, but they never had uh time for us. But somebody gave your phone number to us, a stranger from a stranger, and said, You call Gregory and he will take care of you. And it was it was such a beautiful moment to hear that before he died, right? Like, you know, it's it's great, you know, it's oh sorry, it's lovely to know that when you your person passes away and they come into the cemetery and they sharing all these beautiful moments. But when he's alive, it meant even more. And I came back and I said, you know, dad, this is what happened. And he was so humbled. He was so humble, and that's what kind of man he was full of gratitude, and he always felt so full, like and he sometimes was so empty. Like he worked since he was 12 years old, he left his house at 16, faked his documents to get into the army. He basically was on his on his own, but he showed so much love and kindness to others when, as we understood, not a lot of kindness was shown to him. So to lose him, it was uh it was like a heart with my heart was you know ripped apart. I miss him tremendously. He was my true inspiration and motivation and uh in a wall that I could stand and lean on. Even when he didn't understand what I was doing, it made no sense to him. He always said, Irene, you can do it. And his famous words was, So budget hard ashore, everything is going to be okay. He always said that no matter what, like the ceiling could be on fire, and he goes, Don't worry, all is going to be okay. We actually put that on his tombstone because it was so him. And and random times people would like, random times, like, I know what he's following me, I know he's guiding me, would come up strangers. He would say, Oh, don't worry, all is gonna be okay. And I'm like, oh my god, what the what the hell? You know, I I believe that he followed, you know, he he's like my guardian from from the above. And you know, and uh the relationship that I had with him was it was very precious. You know, he taught me a lot, a lot, even though he only finished eighth grade. He was wizard, he was so smart, and didn't realize until he was end of his life that he couldn't even read or write. But he can speak to you about anything and the resilience of him and how he learned is very powerful. If you came here as a child, he could have been so much more, but he was more than he thought he was. And uh that empty space never goes away. You know, every Tuesday I remember him because he used to take me to the bank. We would go to McDonald's and we have our breakfast, and he would order that big McDonald's breakfast and share it with my mom. And uh I was already vegetarian and he would make fun of me, go ahead and have this sausage. And he would go, okay, okay, go get your grass. And you know, I was a profe, it wasn't grass, but you know, those little jokes, you know, he was just such a character, and he I remember him. If I didn't speak to him for 24 hours, he was like, Irene, I forgot how you look. Where are you? Come, let's have a shadow vodka. And and you know, when I used to eat meat, he would say, I make you beautiful steak with shadow vodka and mashed potatoes. So, you know, those little moments, it's it's it's it's missed. And uh, but you know, the value was that, you know, laughter is a medicine, even when you're sad. Like he never given up, and the doctors would always tell us, your father is a riot. The only reason he's living still is because he has such a good attitude in such a dire moment. And I pulled on that in my own dark moments, and I've had many of them. And he was there, he was there. He, you know, he never judged me, he just loved me. I was there when he took his last breath, I was there in between the last breath. I took care of him. Um it was hard because everything he ended up being, he he said he never wanted to be bedwritten, not able to take care of himself. I had to take him to the bathroom, something that he hated. And I used to say, I'm not your daughter right now, I'm a nurse. So I can go buy the little uniform and if it makes you feel better. He's like, Oh blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, went on his tantrum, like, stop, stop, stop. And he would go, I'm sorry, I'm sorry you have to do this, I'm sorry you have to do this. I said, What are you sorry? You're my father. I'm honored that I'm able to take care of you. I'm honored that we can spend this time together. Like, I was like, share your wisdom, share your journey, share like what you want me to know. And just, you know, he always, always said, be kind, be kind, be grateful. It's not how much you have, it's what you have. It's not how big of your circle is, it's that beautiful few friends that you can call in the middle of the night, uh, that say, I'm there for you. Uh so it's uh it's a it's a it's a missing piece in my life that right now that I need. And uh he's not here in physical form, but I know he's here with me in a spiritual form. When I miss him like this, as I was getting ready to speak to you ladies, uh, I saw his van, a white van pass like hundreds of times in the last uh week or so. And it was so powerful because I know I was going to be speaking to you, and he's like, I mean, it's going to be okay. Just go for it, just go for it. And don't cry too much. He always hates when I cry. He said, Laughter is the key, laughter. You know, he was the party of the party. He walked into the restaurant and he was the first on the floor, and he was the last to leave. And he used to say, Will you come here? Have a shadow vodka and let's dance. It's all shadow vodka with him. It was always a shadow vodka. And you know, I now I honor him sometimes with that shadow vodka, and it makes me feel really, really good, you know. And I was like I said, I was there till the end. I spent the last 48 hours in the hospital with him. I saw him take his last breath. It wasn't easy, but this man suffered so much, such a gentle giant, went through so much pain the last two years of his life. And you know, even in that moment, he's like, I don't wish this on anyone. I don't wish this. Like he had no enemies, but like he would say, you know, I got this, I can handle it. And you know, it was so weird to hear that because I always said the same thing without even realizing, I got this, I can handle it, I don't wish this for anyone else. I'm strong. And he used to say, I'm strong, all is gonna be okay. I got this, I'm not ready to go. I have nine lives. That was like our last conversation. And and when he went, it was I released such a huge cry, but it wasn't because he was gone, it's because he was no longer in peace. It gave me so much peace to know that he's somewhere in heaven dancing and having his shadow. And it gave me so much peace. And every time I like feel not sad, but you know that feeling of emptiness. I'm like, I don't I don't wish him to be here as he was, in pain, bath written, not a life of the party, not dancing, not doing. It's not what I want. And I cannot have him back how he wants, you know, prior to it. So I wouldn't change anything. People constantly ask me, Oh, do you wish your father was here? Of course. But not like how he lived. And a couple of days later, when you know everything settled down after the funerals, like, how am I gonna honor this man that gave me so much love, so much support, such unconditional love? Did we argue? Did we not agree and everything? Yeah, did he tell me don't do it? And I did it anyway, and he supported me fighting, you know, like a fighting match, but he said, okay, go ahead and learn. Like, even if he didn't agree with me, do I miss that? Yeah, that's that support that is, I don't know. My mother definitely is not like that. Uh, but my father was, he was my savior, and I didn't know how I was going to honor him. How I I didn't, I know he didn't want me to sit there and cry, but how do you not cry for someone that you love with all your heart? And and your teacher, your guiding, your protector, a person that consistently says to you, don't worry, all is going to be okay, it's no longer here. How do you honor that gift that he gives you of humanity when he wasn't given? I didn't know what to do. So I sat there and I said, I want to celebrate his life. I don't want to mourn him. And and I want to do everything that he didn't finish doing. So, and I I'm I'm spiritually Jewish, uh, not, you know, that's how, you know, culturally or whatever. Um, and we have this thing that we do it seven days of Shiva. You kind of sit there, you cover the mirrors, you know, people come to your house, they bring you food, and you sit there and mourn for seven days, you pour your heart out, and you let go of that heaviness of the missing loved one. And but I said, Oh, that sounds good. Like, and after seven days you can go, but I said, that wasn't enough. I also want to celebrate his life, not just cry about him, because I've never seen him cry. I've always seen him in laughter and joy. And I said it will not be fear for him or me and his legacy just to mourn over him because that's not who he was. He was full of life and loved music and loved people and loved celebrating. So I came up with this 14-day challenge for myself, and I did it openly because I needed that support from others. And I said, well, as I heal, maybe I can help someone else heal. I know you can't see it, but I took a little like a mason jar, and I said, for seven days I'm going to sit quietly and I'm going to write down all the painful feelings that I have of missing him, losing him, how it makes me feel. And I would put that into the jar, and that would be like my little funeral for me, myself, and my dad. So I did it for seven days. I wrote everything down, and I did it very publicly because, of course, I want to support others. And I knew that a few other people lost their loved ones simultaneously, as my father. So I said maybe we'll help them grieve in this unorthodox way. And we don't speak enough about grieving, and we don't give it, like we don't even give ourselves permission to grieve. Sometimes I feel like because they feel judged, or you you are crying too much, or you're already smiling, you're already doing this. And and I want to show you can do it any way you want it. And it's there's no right or wrong way, it's whatever works for you. So I kind of incorporated this thought process for myself and others. And then for the next 14, four, seven days, I literally danced my bottle on every platform you could imagine. And I took this jar and I put all the beautiful memories. I showed the most craziest uh pictures of him with the hat and his he had this Russian hat and the bottle of vodka, and I, you know, constant, you know, just just posted some beautiful pictures of him, of his joy, of his how he's a clown. And, you know, I I had the shot of vodka, made a video, I'm sorry, my dad for 14 days, and and it was such an incredible 14 days, not just for me, but hundreds of other people messaged me. Strangers said, Thank you for giving me permission to find joy in my sadness. Thank you for allowing me to mourn my child or my father or my sister or your friend, and and figured out how to honor them, not just in sadness, but also in joy. And it touched my heart, it helped me heal more. And it's exactly what my father would do help others to heal, to support, to move forward. Like it was it was better than I even imagined. These 14 days changed my life and many other people, and I was so honored that people um shared that with me and the memories of their loved ones. So yeah, I grieved my father in a very unorthodox way, but I felt like I let him go, but I also celebrated him to the fullest of how he would be wanted to be celebrated, not in tears, but in joy. And like he would say, everything's gonna be okay, and he's okay, and I am okay, and I am better than okay because I take the wisdom from him and I put it forward. Now I am building a community of support that I can support and support me. I can pay it forward for someone that is bilingual, speaks finally, but still shows up. So he installed all of that for me. He got thrown out of uh English class because he was such a joker that made fun of the English language and words, and people would just laugh, and he would turn it into this like little stupid Russian jokes with English words, and it was a riot. He's like, I wasn't a good student then, and I'm definitely not a good student now. But but yeah. So he yeah, Twigar will be five years in January. I miss him every day. And uh thank you for letting me share a little bit of my father with you, and hopefully um my story will help others to celebrate the loved ones in, I guess maybe the most unorthodox way to grieve our loved ones. And it's okay. It's okay. Give yourself permission to do it any way that moves you.

SPEAKER_02 22:14

Irene, thank you so much for explaining your dad to us. Can you tell me his first name or what is he called? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 22:23

Gregory.

SPEAKER_02 22:24

Gregory.

SPEAKER_01 22:25

He sounds like someone we would want to hang out with. Oh, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 22:31

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 22:32

We like to dance, we like to drink vodka.

SPEAKER_02 22:35

Can do it all. Can I can I ask about your father? Because it sounds like he absolutely passed down to you the idea of giving, right? And giving equally. If I have a dollar, you get half, right? Like the sharing and community to the core of who you are, right? Not just for the look of it, but that was him to his core. Um in his final years, you you know expressed how hard it was for him not to be the caretaker because you had to be the caretaker. Were you and your father able to prepare you for him not being here physically? Would you talk about life without him or or what did those conversations look like in the last year or so?

SPEAKER_00 23:27

For him, it was very weird. We didn't talk about none of that, but mentally I prepared myself for it, right? I had to mourn him before he even left me. Uh, and understand that he's gonna go. And uh yes, I'm going to miss him, but he's going to be with me because I believe, you know, the body dies, but the spirit stays with you. And uh that gave me peace. And and even bigger, you know, moment for me. There was a period of time when my father was in so much pain that I actually stopped praying for him to be here. I actually started praying for him to go because I could not see him wither and not have that sparkle in his eyes and not being funny, not making jokes. I did not want to remember him, you know, sad and bitter, right? Like he's never, he was never bitter, but like, you know, he's never asked why me. But by the time, you know, it's like I he just wanted to go. Like, why am I being tortured? That was his way of kind of preparing me. I'm ready. Even though he was never ready. Five minutes between, you know, maybe had that conversation, I'm done. And then he said, no, no, no, I have nine lives. So he really didn't want to die, but he knew the end is coming. Because he loved life. He loves life.

SPEAKER_01 24:56

Do you think that um well you said you practiced Shiva and then was it seven days or four seven days? Yes, seven days and then seven days of joy. And then seven days of joy. Do you think that you had you just said that you mourned him while he was dying? Do you think that helped you um see gratitude earlier um after he passed? Because you had already started mourning him?

SPEAKER_00 25:29

So so it made it easier, right? It made it easier to get through that transition. It's still very hard, right? But the way I I I it's so hard to explain because I I didn't wish him dead. I didn't wish him dead, but I couldn't find peace for him, I couldn't find healing from him. I did not want my father to suffer. So I mourned in a sense of I take him so he's no longer suffering. And that's sort of a more of a spiritual way than like I'm gonna miss you, I'm gonna miss you. But I just want him not to be in pain anymore. And the gratitude came like gratitude came from when God took him. Again, it sounds so bizarre, but my gratitude was he's no longer in pain. I miss him dearly, but he's no longer suffering. You know, it bel he felt so beliterated when me I had to take him to the bathroom, or I had to help him put off his clothes on, his pants, his undies, right? Like that was below him. Like that he wanted to die at those moments more than he ever. Uh he did not want his children doing that for him. That was his worst nightmare. So gratitude came from take him in that prayer, don't let him suffer, and don't let him feel like he's less than he felt less than.

SPEAKER_02 26:58

And when you talk about um him you know moving on, how do you feel him each day? Is does it look different? Does it feel different? You mentioned the van heating up. It's like, what's that look like for you each day?

SPEAKER_00 27:14

Yeah, so each day, again, there's a song that may come up, uh, English or Russian. I listen to you know, both radios. He hangs right at the area that I work. So I see his smiling face all the time. And I, you know, so that's kind of how he comes along as well. Um, sometimes I can't explain is the smell. I can't explain the smell, but there's certain smells that trigger um memories. Like, you know, if I go buy um there's a little um burger place that sometimes we would go and I would do my veggie burger, and he would get his burger so I can smell that and reminds me of him and how he made fun of me. You're not eating a burger, he always goes to eat grass, but I say, great. So, you know, things like that, right? Like things like that. And sometimes I see lately I've been seeing butterflies, and I know it's a new beginning, new like rebirth for me. And I don't know, it reminds me of my dad as well. Every day is different, but that uh the Astor Van is very solid message because that's what he drove for over 20 years. And then sometimes I don't see him at all, them at all. And then sometimes I see more than others, and he's like saying to me, okay, pivot. It's a message, and then I have to look inside myself. What is the message?

SPEAKER_01 28:41

Can you tell me a little bit about the the jar you talked about putting things um and on what platform?

SPEAKER_02 28:49

Because you mentioned others reaching out to you and saying how you supported them. How did you show kind of show this to others?

SPEAKER_01 28:56

But also to continue to put things in it.

SPEAKER_00 29:01

Yeah, so I did it for 14 days. But yes, listen, that was my journey, right? So I did it on Facebook and I shared it on Instagram. I it's all on YouTube. You can you can see every single day there. At that time when I was doing it, I wasn't so organized, so they're probably like random. You know, I should have like did a like a series, but who was thinking about that? Now I understand that. Uh but I did it on Facebook every single day. You can actually people can go back and look. It's it was every single day. Every single day. I did a video, I did a post, I did a visual post, and I encourage others to do the same thing. So they reached out to me on Facebook or whatever they saw, whatever the platform they saw, but mainly at that time it was Facebook.

SPEAKER_02 29:47

And why why 14 days? Was it this the seven for seven? Like where did it know it come from?

SPEAKER_00 29:55

I didn't know. Yeah, it was like seven for seven. So I said, you know, the seven days of mourning, and then I did, you know, seven days of joy. Just just kind of was key, it came to me. There was there's no rhyme or reason. I thought, you know, if you're mourning for seven days, you at least need to joy be joyful for seven days. But I also encourage people to continue doing whatever days it takes you, but there has to be a point because again, um f people that connected me have been mourning for 20 years. Like they were stuck. And I get it, they were stuck, and I gave them permission to leave that and find the joy and honor the loved ones. So you have to have a starting point and ending point, at least that's how I saw for myself, to be able to move on with life in the most comfortable way. You're never comfortable, like my father never leaves me. That pain is there, but I've learned how to uh use it as a charging stone and remember what my father stood for. Community helping, supporting others. Uh, you know, do it because it's the right thing, not because you wave some applause or word. Do it well, like no one is watching. So things like that. So I wanted, I wanted people to, for me first, of course, that certain amount of time to do each thing and not sit in it, right? Yes, sit and joy, but take that warning, take that pain and turn it into something more powerful as helping others in your mourn in your unique way. That's kind of how I saw.

SPEAKER_02 31:33

What would you say that someone did for you during your time of grief when it was hard? When you felt right closed off. Did someone say or do something for you you remembered that made a difference?

SPEAKER_00 31:48

Of course, absolutely. I have the most incredible customers. Uh hairdresser, hairdresser. And um they came to the house, brought food, sent flowers, honored my father with like a tree, did some more like did all kinds of beautiful things, donated money for heart disease. Uh, and that touched my heart tremendously. And I had a pretty new client at the time, and she sent like three days of uh food to my house, uh, you know, prepared, you know, ready-to-go meals. It was so beautiful. I was so grateful. It it made me feel very special, so hard for me to take it, but you know, I did it in honor of my father, and it was it was beautiful. And of course, all the messages, all the love, all you know, came my way was great.

SPEAKER_02 32:51

Can I ask um when you were sharing on Facebook and Instagram, did anyone ever reach out and and say anything where you felt like I don't know what to do or I don't know how to help this person?

SPEAKER_00 33:05

Um sure, absolutely. It's so hard, especially when um it has to do with children. Like how I mean losing a father is one thing, but when parents call me, not call me, text me, said, you know, I lost my child 15 years ago. I lost my child. I'm so sad. What do you say to that? And I'm like, I'm so sorry for your loss. And then I said, What is how was your child? Tell me about your child. And one lady said that her child uh wanted to travel and she didn't have a chance to do a car accident. And I said, What country did your child want to go? And she gave me some countries, and I said, You know something? Go. Go for your child. Go do it. And then maybe you'll, you know, you'll feel like she's with you by by doing an act that she couldn't do it. And my father actually had a dream to go to Hawaii and never did it. And that was one of the things that I remember that we will honor that for him eventually. And uh that, you know, I don't put anything in the back burner, I go. Like I don't say no a lot anymore. And then, you know, then another child lady said that her child was killed by a drunk driver. She didn't know how to go past that. I said, well, maybe you open a chapter under your son's name, create a some sort of a nonprofit organization that you still have a purpose. And, you know, you're doing it in the name of your child, that his memory always will live on, or create a support group. So that's kind of how I helped them move, and they're like, yes, yes. Like they they understood that to put their pain into a purpose. Uh, but that wasn't easy to discuss, you know. Parents, we can, you know, we understand. Well, you know, parents die. But when young children die, it's very painful. It's very painful. I mean, I had a miscarriage. Uh, that was a dead to me, too. And I sat there and I mourned it, and it was very extremely painful. Never held a child, but I felt it in my soul and my heart. It was a child. And I had to mourn that as well. So I could relate to some degree. I mean, definitely not, but you know what I'm saying. Uh, it was painful. It was very, very painful. So, I mean, I I I pulled on that sadness for myself to help them through theirs. I mean, I'm just a person, not a counselor or anything, just you know, a person, a woman on a mission to help others heal themselves in their own special way.

SPEAKER_01 35:48

So you said these people reach out to you. Do you do support groups or people just reach out to you individually?

SPEAKER_00 35:58

So at that time, it was just people reaching out to me individually. I didn't, I was invited to to a grieving group by grieving counselor. She thought it was the way I grieved. She just saw my videos on Facebook. Um, and she thought that was such a cool way, and she was so fascinated. So I, you know, I went into her group and shared uh how I grieved my um father to give a different perspective. You know, we are told we can't find joy in our sadness, but like we have to sit there and just mourn. And it's such a heavy, heavy feeling, and it is. But I also felt that we need to make sure that we don't just mourn them, we celebrate them. And whatever that means to you, each individual person we have learned had a life, had an energy, had its own spirit, right? Had an all unique way, and we forget that. We don't honor that. We're only, you know, like my I knew my father didn't want us to sit there and honor his pain. He wanted us to honor the way he lived. And I hope that's what my whole thing was honor the people that you have lost, not in their pain, but in their joy.

SPEAKER_02 37:15

Do you believe? Um do you live differently now that he's gone? Does life look different for you, whether it be you said you don't say no very often? Um, but also how's life different without him here with you?

SPEAKER_00 37:31

Well, so yes, I try I try to be even more intentional. I live an intentional life. Uh I I n don't take too many things for granted, but after he passed away, even more so, like I shared with you that Hawaii trip, he never took it. And I made a mental note. You know, tomorrow is not promise. And I had to remember through my own life, like, you know, my car accident. I never thought I could walk without pain, and I stopped traveling. Tomorrow doesn't pro is not promise. And him not being able to do the trip that he wanted to made me realize that I have to do everything that is on my bucket list even more. So I went to Morocco, I went back to Spain, I traveled, I went to England again, I went to Scotland, that was in one of my bucket lists. So I stepped it up. I was like, sure, there's never gonna be enough money. Sure, there's never enough time or the right time. Uh just go for it and get it done. So, so yes, I am much more intentional because health is wealth, and while you have it, go for it. And he didn't have it, he had a heart attack, he was waiting for retirement, and instead of Hawaii, he had a heart attack. So, yes, it's I don't take anything for granted on a whole other level. And I'm saying, yes, this scares me. Like public speaking scares me. Like I would rather have a root canal, but but I have a message, right? Like, you know, being bullied as a young child, you know, English is my second language. And you know, and I have to remember my father used present and past sentence every single day, but he got the message across. He was right there going to whatever he needs to do, to whatever public place he needed to help anyone to get their lights on or get their driver's license. He did it. He did it. So, you know, and that that's part of it that keeps me going. All of those things, I'm so grateful that he didn't shrink, even though he didn't speak perfectly. He rised to the occasion and shined bright. He said, I speak enough for them to understand. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:42

So you feel he gave you a purpose to promote positivity?

SPEAKER_00 39:47

Yes, consistently. He consistently did it by all of those examples. When he passed away, and when I people came to the funeral home, all the beautiful things he we didn't know about them. He never bragged, he never said they did this and this. These people came to us and said, you know, your father gave me his last $10. I was stuck. You know, um, could my car broke down? And I saw him. He said, Here's 10 bucks, and I got the little thing uh and filled it up. So it was beautiful. It's it's beautiful. So I carried that. That's his legacy. You know, people ask me, What's what's legacy for you? I my first thing is my legacy is kindness. I want people to remember that I said what I did and I did it, and that's what I do. Now it's not gonna be millions of dollars. That's not gonna be my legacy. It's gonna be two broken plates and a kindness. And community, right? And community, like I told my daughter, she knows that. And it's interesting, you know, the other part of grieving is get being ready for that, you know, preparing your family. So I already purchased all of my last uh, you know, and the end of life. I got my cremation done, everything is paid for, and I think that's another conversation that we don't have. We don't prepare. Like, well, tomorrow, tomorrow, but tomorrow comes, and then your children, like I felt like my children is not responsible to make those decisions. So I took care of all of it. My daughters know exactly what I need to do, and you know, I'm gonna be cremated, spread me whatever. And it's a funny conversation. You know, it's not a funny conversation, but I made light of it because when I did it, my children were kind of young, so I gave, you know, gig did that for them. And maybe this is off-subject, but I think it's so important because while you're grieving your loved ones, you have to also make decisions how to bury them. And then on top of it, financially, if you don't have it, then the child is stuck doing it. And so when I went into the you know, funeral home and I was purchasing, and the woman goes to me, so what kind of earl do you want? Are you sure you don't want to be buried with your mom and your dad? Because we purchased all this. I said, No, absolutely not. That is not for me. I said, first of all, I'm custom, I can't pronounce the word, claustrophobic, and she thought, it's like, what did you say? Like, I'm cleustophobic. I said, I don't want to be in a casket. And she she didn't know what to do with me. I said, Oh, so do you want to look at the urines? Urine? Oh, am I saying it correctly? And I said, Don't worry, my daughter'll just bring a Ziploc bag. You just so even then I was trying to find humor in this difficult moment. I think we don't have that enough. It's such a he I know we have to cry. I know we have to mourn, but I just wish it was a little bit easier on the heart. And I so and I know it's out of the box. I know it's unorthodox to do with the way I did it. But, you know, it's it's not as heavy. It's the whole process of death is already so heavy that I I hope, I never know, I did it with a little bit of sense of humor. And so, yeah, we're crazy like that. You know, my mother wanted this um like a Visachi uh $20,000 casket. I said, why do you need that? She said, Well, when people come, I was like, you don't know, they might be all dead. It'll be me standing in front of you. So, you know, and she looked at me like, what? I said, Yeah, who are you doing? This not for herself, but for others. I said, Can you leave me a little bit of money? Don't stand it all. We just we just had a blast. I know, again, I'm unorthodox. I walked to my own bit of the drama, I think out of the box, and why not here, right? Like that is a heavy subject, and why should we not bring a little bit of light and joy in our pain? That's kind of how I feel. It's with a little bit, let's bury our loved ones with a little bit of sense of humor. I told my daughter, I want to party, bring some tequila vodka and salsa dancing, let's go.

SPEAKER_02 44:00

It's Irene, that is beautiful. And it sounds like you you got a lot of your dad's qualities, right? He always had the humor, he always made light, always spread kindness, and that is instilled in you. And yes, on top of that, you've learned things that you want to support and protect your daughters, right? So if the day comes for you that you have you have planted some seeds to make the burden of death less. Hard on them, right? And with you you did all of the things. Um, you're absolutely right. I think at services or funerals, we have to remember, no one's gonna think, oh gosh, I remember Irene, she had a little stage fright. No one's gonna think that. People are gonna be remembering how kind you were, how motivational you were, how inspiring you were. That's to the core of who we are. And you've you've really done all of the things and you've pushed yourself to help others.

SPEAKER_00 45:10

Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. I hope that's what they remember, you know. Uh yeah, it's it's all it's all it's all of that, you know, it's all of that humanity. And we've, you know, we've lost, we've lost a little bit of it, right? And I, you know, when I think of that, I think of my father. He was the epitome of it. Because it's the right thing to do, not because he was waiting for anything in return. And, you know, and at least for me, you know, that's what he's installed. And I hope I can give a little bit of joy and happiness, um, especially in the difficult moments, uh, to others. And that's my purpose every day. Get up in the morning and I try, I do my best to put a smile on someone else's face and carry his legacy of community.

SPEAKER_01 46:00

Well, I love your positivity and your energy. Um, getting close to the end, and I just want to make sure that you share with us how others can reach you or find you. You said people reach out to you on Facebook and Instagram, and um I don't know what platform or how people reach out to you, but is there is there a way for people to reach out to you?

SPEAKER_00 46:29

Well, yes, absolutely. I'm on I'm on pretty much on every platform from TikTok to LinkedIn to Lemon 8 to Scroll Up. Um, what else? Um oh my god, I can't even think of it. Sky blue, I don't know what I'm doing there. Um I'm also on Stack Stop Stack. Uh there are two, so I can't even pronounce half of them. But yeah, Facebook is probably the most easiest. I'm also on WhatsApp, I mean, everywhere. Put my name into Google search and you'll see many different platforms that I am on. YouTube as well. But I think the easiest uh communication is also on threads. You can find me there too. But Facebook and Instagram is probably the most easiest, convenience. Everybody's on them.

SPEAKER_01 47:18

Well, we'll put um the links in the show notes for people to be able to find you. Yeah. And again, um it was wonderful. I I think you're a wonderful person. I love your energy, your positivity, what you are trying to do for other people. Um I don't know if there's anything.

SPEAKER_02 47:41

Yeah, it's Irene, you exude joy and inspiration. Thank you. I mean, I want to dance and have a shot of tequila and maybe a shot of vodka. I don't know. I love that. I love that.

SPEAKER_01 47:56

We might have to do that tonight for you.

SPEAKER_02 47:59

For you and Gregory, and thank you for speaking of him and the relationship you had and inspiring others to push through even when it is hard when we lose someone we love. So, Irene, thank you so much. Um, and we will we will be in touch and we'll have your show up soon.

SPEAKER_00 48:21

Thank you so much. Appreciate you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 48:23

Thank you. Bye. Bye, Irene. Bye.